Overcoming Fear, My Story

Hi all! When I was younger, I was rarely afraid of anything (apart from the irrational fear of touching sand when I was a toddler but we won't talk about that). I would throw myself into a lot of things including going down small rapids in a Canadian canoe or body boarding the waves in the freezing sea in Cornwall. There was rarely anything that I wasn't ready to throw myself into.
This independence that was created from being rather fear-free meant I would put myself forwards to go on Girl Guiding camps and residential camps away from my family for a couple of days. These were the kind of camps where you were pre-booked into activities when you sign up and that is set in stone for the whole camp. On one particular camp that I went on in the new forest, the activities my group and I were given were archery and raft building. I was fine with both these activities and looked forward to them during the camp. Archery was fine and went without issue but once I got to raft building, I didn't feel happy. The raft building was taking part in a small 3/4ft deep pond with a wooden deck going from the edge of the pond into the middle. The banks around the pond were quite steep and overgrown. We started to build the rafts in two teams. My team were second to put on the water. We went down the decking and put the raft on at the end, like instructed, and attempted to get on. Of course, it sank, like most rafts do. I became quite quickly aware that pulling myself out of the water wasn't going to be easy and every single minute I spent in the water, I hated it even more. This moment at this camp messed with me for quite a few years and still does.
I had been a casual kayaker for a lot of my life, going on different adventures with my dad in different forms of boats on different forms of water such as sea, canal and river. This moment made me give all that up. I refused to go near a boat for several years until I decided to go and support a few crews from my dad's school while they took part in a 23 mile race. For some reason, this kicked something inside of me and based on a random decision, I was attempting to get into a kayak with the most intense butterflies in my stomach ever. I was scared but I pushed on and from then on in, I was paddling almost every week. I was still nervous about getting in the boat in the first place and I was still uncomfortable about falling in. It took me a lot to have someone else paddle with me because it meant I lost that sense of control over the balance of the boat. I hated being a boat that I wasn't use to. I always preferred to be in control and that was how I could grab the horns of the bull and wrestle with it.
Kayaking on a canal was completely different from many other forms of kayaking. I still can't paddle in a swimming pool with kayaks that keep you in the boat if you flip over (Panic attacks hold me back in this situation) and I won't go near raft building still (again, I panicked last time I tried and had to sit out) but from something that is probably my greatest fear, water and drowning, it's now something I face every week in my favourite sport to take part in. Anxiety towards certain situations still affect me often and this can mean that I won't go paddling some days because I know it will just end up badly. It holds me back which frustrates me in many situations. Sometimes, I wish I was happy to mess about on the water with my friends but sometimes I enjoy watching from the bank. This is my main fear and although I can handle it most days, it takes some mobility. You may not feel positive every single day but don't take that as a step backwards because in reality it will only be a bad day. Take some time off and come back to it gently.
See ya on the flip side,
Holly x

My Flatwater Kayaking Story So Far....

Flatwater Kayaking has always been something in the background of my life. My dad started canoeing/kayaking a few years before I was born and he started up a canoe club at the college he worked and we lived at the year I was born. This involved him taking a group of students from the college to several races throughout the months of February, March and April. My mum constantly laughs about the fact that my dad went off to a canoe race only a couple of days after I was born.

As I reached the age of six, I started to regularly attend these races myself, supporting and cheering on the school crews that were taking part. My dad also took me out on little trips in a canoe during the summer. I remember one particular trip near Wales where we went down small weirs and rapids. At that age, I found it great fun. By the age of nine, I was confident in the small lightning boats used for under 12s in the Hasler racing series.
During my later years of Primary School, I went on a Girl Guiding Camp and took part in a raft building exercise in a pond on the camp site. Because of this experience, I became very anxious about water and falling in it. I spent years turning my mind to other sports and didn't attend any races for several years even though my dad continued to coach and support college crews.
One Saturday evening in 2012, I decided I would attend a race the following day to help my dad support the crews and film to create a video of the series that our crews were racing (Waterside Series). I witnessed a crew consisting of a young boy and dad complete the 23 mile race and for some reason, this gave me the urge to start Kayaking again. I was back in a boat on Thursday with only one capsize. Although the whole idea of water made me anxious, I had an aim to keep me going, to complete the 125 mile canoe race from Devizes, Wiltshire to Westminster, London.
The following week, I had roped in a partner, Nicola, a current school friend of mine. She was very sporty and was up for the challenge. We got in a K2 for the first time and didn't fall in! Stability was clearly not going to be a problem for us.

After the Easter Holidays, we got into the boat again and paddled our first three miles. The weather was cold and extremely rainy but even with several stops at bridges, we did it in roughly 45 minutes. Although decent we wanted to do better and took on the challenge of six miles only a couple of weeks later. Even with getting out and running between two bridges on the first three miles, we did it in 40 minutes. On the way back we improved to 38. Not bad going for the first six miles.
Then Nicola got injured and she spent over a month out of the boat but we still got back in and went racing. 4 miles. On the Thames. Circuiting. This wasn't the best idea considering and it showed. We were being over taken by boat after boat even though we were in the slowest main category. Then we capsized. Our first race over and it didn't go particularly well. Especially as my fear of water was still very much in the background. It took me a couple of days to realise that Kayaking was what I wanted to do.

I found a new partner, Helen, and got happier in a boat. By September 2012, I was training twice a week and getting better and better each time. We entered the Waterside Series 2013 (one of the coldest ever) and although our times weren't the quickest (13.5 miles-3:17, 17.5 miles-3:56, 23 miles- 5:55) we kept going with the aim to complete the tough 34 miler at the end. Then the snow set in and so did hyperthermia, we pulled out 16 miles through cold and trying to stay aware. Although this upset us, we knew it was stupid to carry on as cold as we were especially if we risked falling into freezing cold water in the middle of nowhere.

That Easter I supported yet another Devizes to Westminster crew to complete their goal for the second time. The conditions were even cold for the support crew but the boy made it to finish line.

The race inspired me even more and me and my partner started to train more seriously, trying out a quicker but more unstable boat and becoming even more determined to beat our times before. We worked hard and by September 2013, we were training two times a week on the water and once in the gym or running. We were so desperate to do well even though Helen had managed to harbor a shoulder injury over the summer. 

We took part in our first race together at the beginning of March and produced a time almost an hour quicker than the year before (13 miles- 2:34). However, it wasn't quick enough to beat some people in our Junior Ladies category. We felt gutted but it pushes us on to try harder. 

This was when disaster struck. I became ill, very ill. I spent three weeks in bed barely eating and just sleeping and one week in hospital on antibiotics and a drip. My partner continued to race with someone else who was training producing good times and even completing the 125 mile race in Easter, which I went out to support even though I was sat in a camping chair throughout. Eventually I became stronger and put on weight and at the end of June, I got back into a boat. My stamina is still not there but my technique is going strong and so is my speed. 

I will continue training next year with Helen and I'm more determined as ever. Hopefully 2015 will be my year.

Holly x

One Direction Where We Are Tour {Wembley Stadium June 7th}

Heyya my dears! So on Saturday I went into London to see One Direction at Wembley Stadium for their Where We Are Tour 2014! It was quite an experience and great fun! Here's some photos from the day...

How the stadium looked when we arrived which was a good 2 hours before the actual concert started.

Starting to fill up

Excitement building

During the concert

I highly enjoyed the concert and I would recommend anyone who has a chance to see them live to take that opportunity.

See ya soon,

Holly x

Trip to Amsterdam in pictures {December 2013/January 2014}

Heyya my dears! So back in December I went on a relaxing trip to Holland for New Year with the family. We stayed at my boyfriends family home while they were away in Tanzania. Here's my trip in pictures.....

View from house I was staying in. It was a typical residential street about half an hours drive from Amsterdam. We were staying in The Hague.

The bedroom that I was staying in. I loved this room as it was absolutely stunning and homely.

A couple of arty photos that I took while wondering through the streets of Amsterdam. The whole of Amsterdam is so beautiful and unique.

The day after visiting Amsterdam, I went to a museum which included a lot of art work. I took some photos of some of the best pieces.

On the final day when driving to the channel tunnel, I took a few photos from the journey.

Sorry there's my short trip in photos! I hope you enjoyed to brief post! 

Where have you travelled to? Where would you like to travel to? Comment below and let me know! 

Holly x

About Inky Quill and Paper!

Heya my dears! So this is my first post on this snazzy new blog thing that I have decided to get going. Being all new and that, I thought that those interested in who Inky Quill and Paper is will want to know a few things. I wasn't too sure on what the best way to introduce myself so I did a little research on the interweb and discovered a variety of wonders including things like 'facts about me' and 'essay about me'. Thought the best idea was do a couple of facts and see how it went. Okay, I should probably get going so I don't bore you to pieces.

                                 

Fact número 1:

I live in the wonderful sunny country of England in the United Kingdom. 

Fact número 2:

I'm at the ripe old age of sixteen and going through a lovely time called GCSE exams.

Fact número 3:

I am a casual flatwater kayaker. I tend to train twice a week over marathon distances for those deeply interested.

Fact número 4: 

I am currently using my snazzy phone to write this blog. #keepingitbasic 

Fact número 5:

I have a huge dislike for tea and coffee. Tea is too plain. Coffee is too bitter. Please don't hate me.

Fact número 6:

I live in a school and have been living here all my life. This is because my dad is a teacher at the school and the house is available with the job.

Fact número 7:

I was recently rather seriously ill and ended up spending roughly eight days in hospital. I will be having a number of investigations and a operation mid July to hopefully get everything sorted for the future.

(By this point I was starting to run out of facts which shows how exciting my life really is)

Fact número 8:

I have never been outside Europe. The furthest I've travel is to Iceland. Very snazzy place if I may say so.

Fact número 9:

My favourite book series of all time would have to be Harry Potter. It's a legend of a book series.

Fact número 10:

I have an addiction to youtubers. My major addiction would have to be for the lovely Mr Ben Brown. He's a brilliant daily vlogger who promotes positive vibes. Definitely worth the watch if you haven't already.

So that's all the facts about me that I can think of without making this blogpost seem extreme boring and becoming extremely long winded. 

Thanks for giving it a read anyway. If you read all of it, I love you. If you didn't, go on scroll back up.

Lots of love, 

Holly x